What is the difference between swinging and polyamory?
Now I'm going to answer this in very general terms.
Everybody who does swinging, everybody who does polyamory does it a little bit differently.
So, in general, swinging is a thing that is practiced by couples wherein they have generally only sexual interactions with other singles or couples. So, they as a couple are the central unit.
They are doing these things as a couple.
They may occasionally have solo play dates with other people, but the focus is primarily sexual interactions versus romantic ones.
And the couple is still central and primary and there's no like forming of other romantic or dating relationships in general.
Polyamory in general is people who want to have multiple loving relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all those involved.
So usually this means multiple romantic relationships, multiple sexual relationships.
Some people practice polyamory as a thing that couples do.
I personally think that that is a terrible way to do polyamory and often ends up creating a whole bunch of problems.
It's much better when you think of it as a thing that people do as individuals and that it is a structure within which you form your relationships.
People who do polyamory as a couple tend to be practicing hierarchical polyamory, which often leads to a lot of unethical behavior, a centering of couple privilege, a lot of things that can cause problems both for the people involved in that like couple and for the people that they date.
So usually, polyamory works better when it is done as a thing that people do as a way that they approach their relationships rather than as a thing that couples do.
So, in general, swinging, primarily sexual connections with other people practiced as a couple, polyamory, sexual and romantic connections with other people, works best when approached from an individual perspective.
Now those are the generalities.
As I said, everybody who does these things does them a little differently.
There are a lot of people who start out swinging and end up transitioning into polyamory because there's someone they've been playing with who they want more than just a friends-with-benefits kind of relationship with and that doesn't tend to work super well within a swinging context.
So, they transition to more of a polyamory.
Some people try out polyamory, they find it's not for them.
Mostly what they want to do is just play around and have sex.
So, you know there's different ways that people go with it.
Sometimes people move back and forth between them over time.
There's no necessarily right or wrong answer here, but in general, swinging is more sex-focused.
Polyamory is sex-inclusive, but also has more deeply connected romantic and dating relationships.
Now my strong belief with all labels is that they work best as descriptors we choose for ourselves rather than as boxes we fit ourselves into or put other people into.
So, if you like the label of swinging and you also have outside romantic relationships, pick whatever label works for you.
If you are someone who is polyamorous and you're only doing it as a couple and you only do sex and not relationships, you can choose whatever label you want.
You are going to run into a lot of people in the poly community who want nothing to do with you because that is not something most poly folks want to be interacting with in any kind of significant way.
So, again, choose whatever label applies to you.
Sometimes if we choose a label that doesn't fit us so well, we may get reactions from those around us in terms of their expectation of what that label means not matching like what we are actually showing up as and how we're actually behaving with them.
