What are my best tips for happy fat sex?
Okay.
So here are my tips for happy fat sex.
Number one, the more ashamed you feel of your body, the less good your sex is going to be.
There has actually been a ton of research about the ways that particularly people socialized as women tend to do a lot of self-monitoring during sex.
Not of like, how am I feeling?
But of like, how do I look?
Am I positioned right?
Do I look bad?
Do I look fat?
That very action of attempting to zoom out and see how you looked to another reduces your ability to be present within the moment and experience pleasure and can actually disconnect you from your partner and from the experience.
So, when you are feeling a lot of shame about your body, when you're trying to think about, “Do you look fat? Is this the wrong position? Do you need to change things?” you are far more likely to end up out of your body, out of the experience and therefore having much worse sex
If you're having sex with someone who's not a total dick and actually cares about you being present and enjoying it, it's going to be much harder for them too if you're disconnected and like monitoring your body because they're going to feel that you're not in that moment with them and you're not connected to yourself, you're not connected to your body, you're not connected to them.
So even if it's just for that time that you're having sex, see if you can let go of that self-judgment or that shame or that fear, so that you can be in that sexual experience.
One of the things that I saw someone talk about was that the more body they have, the more there is of them to feel and the more there is that they can enjoy.
And so, if you can find ways to celebrate the bigness of your body, celebrate ways that your larger size gives you more pleasure, that can be really beautiful.
And that also means don't fuck someone who's going to be weird about you being fat.
If someone gives you any weirdness at all about you being fat, do not fuck them.
They do not deserve you.
You deserve much better.
You don't need to fuck someone if they're going to judge your body negatively.
Anyone who is grossed out by your body, unless you like, you know, don't shower – like if you have genuine hygiene issues that are a problem, different story.
But if you just have a fat body and someone is grossed out by it, do not fuck that person.
They do not deserve you.
First of all, I think that us fat folks fuck better because we can't just rest on our pretty privilege, right?
So, we had to get good at skills because otherwise we wouldn't necessarily get as much sex.
Those hot thin ones, they usually don't have any idea what they're doing because why would they learn?
They're pretty.
They can get as many people as they want.
That's not always true.
It's not 100%.
But I do think that there is a difference in that people who are less conventionally attractive often are skilled up, right?
A lot of us were theater kids.
A lot of us were band geeks.
If you don't think those folks fuck, you don't know anything.
A lot of us did Ren Faire.
You have not seen anything like the backstage of a Ren Faire after the fair closes.
I had many an accidental orgy in my tent when I worked Ren Faire.
So again, fat folks, we are great.
We are fucking amazing.
And if anyone gives you shit about your body, they do not deserve you.
So, you got to let go of your shame, embrace your body, even if it's just for that moment.
And you don't have to get to a place of my body is amazing and I love it and it's beautiful.
If you can just get to a place of body neutrality of like, this is the body that I have, and just let go of that judgment component, that can make it much easier for you to have good sex in your fat body.
Tip number two, if a part of your body is in the way, if a roll or some fat is in the way, fucking move it.
Just move it yourself.
Just move it out of the way.
That's cool.
That's great, right?
Just move your body.
That's all you need, right?
It's your body.
ou can move it if you need to.
You know, if it's in the way, if something isn't feeling right, if you need to change things, just do it.
If you are getting tired, so you need to change positions, ask to change positions.
Don't apologize for your body.
Don't feel weird about it.
Everybody's body does weird things sometimes.
Just move things where it needs to be so you have better access.
Figure out what positions work well for your body.
I have hypermobility and I have chronic issues with the shoulder.
I've been having issues with my hips.
I've been having a lot of stuff with my body because hypermobility is a degenerative condition, and so a lot of times I have to ask for a position change because I'm starting to feel pain, and I used to feel weird about that or want to not ask or wait it out as long as possible.
Don't fucking do that, right?
If you were having sex with someone and they were starting to feel uncomfortable or feel in pain, would you want them to just ride it out or would you want them to switch positions so they don't fucking hurt anymore?
I say B.
Anyone who says A is a monster.
Not a monster.
Nobody's a monster, but we care that our partners are having a good time, so if you need to move, move.
Ask for it.
Just say it, right?
Find what positions work well for you.
With my shoulder issue, I can do all fours for a while, but at some point, I have to adjust because I can't be putting a lot of weight on this shoulder or it starts to hurt a ton.
If we're having sex and my hips, my legs have to be open for a long time, that's going to fuck up my hips real bad, so I have to be aware of that.
So, find out what are the positions that work well for you and communicate that with your partner.
You know, again, a good partner, someone who deserves the pleasure of fucking you is someone who's going to want to do the things that feel good for both of you, not just the things that feel good for them.
So, communicate about it.
Say, these are the positions I like.
These are the positions that work really well.
Ooh, this is starting to pinch.
Can we please switch positions?
Just be aware, right?
Other things I would say, just make sure that you're paying attention to if you need things like lube, if you are starting to get chafing in an area.
Just be good to your body, right?
Like, take care of what your body needs.
If you are someone who has a uterus and you have a condom break or you – and I'm not using barriers.
Be aware that the standard morning after pill, Plan B, does not work if you weigh more than like 150, 160 pounds.
There is another one that works better or they can just give you two doses of the standard one, but make sure that if you are a heavier person who has a uterus, that you, if you're going to get Plan B or something like that, that you get enough to cover someone of your size because it would be terrible for you to end up with an accidental pregnancy because the pill that you took was not strong enough for someone of your body size.
Hydrate.
Make sure you're hydrating.
Make sure you're eating plenty of fiber so that your gut health is good.
Just standard things there.
If you know it's going to be a longer session, do some stretching beforehand or some warming up, right?
Take care of your body.
The way that you would take care of your body if you're going to do a longer session of physical activity for like dancing or working out, same thing applies for sex.
It's just a long physical activity with a lot of challenging positions.
That's that.
Yeah, I think those are the big tips.
Don't be ashamed of your body.
Move it if you need to.
Figure out what positions work for you.
Take good care of your body.
Pay attention for things like chafing.
Hydrate well.
All the same stuff.
