Dr. Liz and Carly talk about body positivity, and what that means in a sex-positive world. This was first seen on https://www.sdc.com/?s=Dr.+Liz+Powell.
You can find Carly @Makeupandsin on Twitter and elsewhere! She blogs at dildoordildont.wordpress.com
Dr. Liz Powell: What is body positivity and why does it matter? Hi! I’m Dr. Liz Powell from Sex-Positive Psych.
Carly: I’m Carly. I blog at DilDoorDilDont.Wordpress.com.
Dr. Liz Powell: Very cool. And Carly is joining me here today to talk more about body positivity. So Carly, for people who don’t know, what does body positivity mean?
Carly: Body positivity is really just being comfortable in your own skin and like not allowing other people or outside influences to affect how you feel about yourself.
Dr. Liz Powell: That is so hard.
Dr. Liz Powell: That is so hard.
Carly: Yeah. For as much as I talk about it, even I struggle with it. Like there are days that like I’m like, oh, I’m self-conscious about this thing or like I’m not feeling good about this other thing like even I struggle with it.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah. I mean I – throughout the course of my life, I don’t know that I could remember a time since like in middle school that I felt good about my body on any kind of consistent basis and like I’ve been a variety of different sizes and shapes over a lot of different years. I’ve been varieties of more fit and strong versus kind of more focusing on restoration and healing. And I don’t know that there has ever been a time where I looked at my body and I was like, “Yes, this one not like - oh, but these things could change and I want to change this bit.”
Carly: Yeah. Even now, like I feel very confident in my body like it has gotten me to where I am like I’m able to do the things that I do. And of course, it’s like one or two things that I would love to change.
Dr. Liz Powell: Sure.
Carly: But like overall, it’s about just feeling confident in myself and like if someone is going to say something negative to me, to not let that really like dig in to me.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah.
Dr. Liz Powell: We live in a world that is so saturated with beauty messages and with messages about like what kind of bodies are acceptable or beautiful and what kinds of faces and what kinds of skin tones and what kinds of presentation from like master femme. And there are just so many messages about who we’re supposed to be and it’s hard sometimes to figure out ways to get yourself away from those messages.
Dr. Liz Powell: What has been helpful for you in like working on body positivity for yourself?
Carly: Honestly, what has really been helpful for me is like I’ve done sex work for a long time. I started out in not the most fun way like I had a pimp who like took advantage of me. But now, like I produce my own content. I cum [0:02:27] [Phonetic]. I have control over every ejaculation [Phonetic] out of me. I only do the things that I want to do. I don’t have sex with people I don’t want to have sex with. And like that has been really, really great about reclaiming my pleasure, my time, my money, and my body.
Dr. Liz Powell: That’s amazing. I think it’s so great to have narratives about sex work that aren’t this like shitty name stream like sex workers are these poor victims that we need to rescue or these terrible soiled women [0:02:54] [Phonetic] who are irredeemable. But there is this way that sex work for a lot of people is very healing and it gives them a lot of feeling of like empowerment.
Carly: Yeah. Even through all like the terrible things that did happen with him and like he did abuse me and like take a lot of my money and things like that like he is in jail now so like he got his karmic retribution.
Dr. Liz Powell: So glad he did.
Dr. Liz Powell: So few do.
Carly: But like even during that time like I felt very powerful because like you’re giving people like this very sensual, intimate experience and like it was how I kind of learn about pleasure and my own body and I learned a lot from clients too like I learned about like a scrotum orgasm from someone that like yeah, you would never would have thought. And like I had great times. There was like – there is always a couple of shitty stories but like I had a good time. It was great. I made a lot of money. I looked hot doing it.
Dr. Liz Powell: Awesome.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah. And I think that’s so cool that sex work for you as a way to start coming to accept your body. I think a lot of people have the misconception that like all sex workers look the same or that like most mainstream porn has a very particular look that it’s going for, right? That that has somehow for all of sex work, the one look, and it’s not.
Dr. Liz Powell: I have met people who are sex workers of all different shapes and sizes, of all different – like people who use mobility aids versus people who have different impairments or who need different accessibility.
Dr. Liz Powell: It’s just …
Carly: Porn really lets you see the beauty in everybody because like there is going to be someone who is into that thing like even the thing that you’re super self-conscious about like I used to be really insecure about my belly and now, like there are so many people that are into like my round belly that like I love it. My belly is adorable. It’s super cute. People pay me to like rub my belly and show them my belly and like it’s wonderful. It’s like really helped me accept it and like if there is like something that you have like a weird toe or like you’re missing an arm, someone is going to be into that thing.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah.
Carly: And like it can really help you feel good about yourself.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah. It’s funny you said that because I have had a lot of insecurity about my belly lately because when I got out of the – like when my disability was first diagnosed and I had to change those for working out and I came back from my deployment in Afghanistan and just hadn’t kept fitness in the same way since that, I felt really subconscious about my belly. And so two days, yesterday maybe it was, I was in this hotel room. And one of the people that I’m dirty texting with, I had promised him some naughty pictures after my panel. And so, one of my roommates was in the room when I came in here to take them and I was like, “Can you just take some pictures of me?”
And she did this whole set of photos and the last set was these ones where I was kneeling naked on the bed and like doing this kind of thing. And I thought I looked so sexy as I was posing and then I looked at the photos and all I could see was my belly.
Dr. Liz Powell: And then I showed it to a few people and they’re like, “Oh my God! I love these ones. You look so good.” I’m like, “But my belly!’ They’re like, “No, your belly is great.”
Carly: Yeah. Right?
Dr. Liz Powell: And it’s just so fascinating the things that we think are broken and wrong but really, like there’s no right or wrong body.
Carly: Exactly. And like when I was growing up, I did – I actually have my degree in Music Performance.
Dr. Liz Powell: Oh, that’s awesome!
Carly: Yeah. I play euphonium, which is like a smaller tuba.
Dr. Liz Powell: Oh, cool!
Carly: And I did a lot of drum and bugle corps. So like growing up, I have this one very pronounced muscle because the horn is very heavy.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah. And you get to hold it.
Carly: Yeah. So growing up holding the heavy horn just made my body developed that way and like no matter how much weight I gained, I still have that muscle. And my body has always been very muscular and broad and strong and like.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah, you have broad shoulders I see.
Carly: Yeah. And I used to be very insecure about that because I was like, “Oh, it’s not like feminine enough.” And now I’m like, “You know what? But like I’m as feminine as I want to be.”
Dr. Liz Powell: I mean you look super femme.
Carly: I mean I like to think that I’m high femme.
Dr. Liz Powell: You look really femme.
Dr. Liz Powell: Like as someone who presents very femme, I’m like, you look really femme.
Carly: Yeah. Glitter, lipstick like all my Instagram and social media stuff is @makeupandsin like I love makeup. I love glitter. And like for someone to tell me that because my shoulders are broad I’m not feminine is like ridiculous.
Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah.
Carly: So like it’s coming to terms with stuff like that that really, really helped.
Dr. Liz Powell: Amazing.
Dr. Liz Powell: Well, thank you so much for coming on and talking about body positivity with me.
Carly: Thank you.
Dr. Liz Powell: For folks who want to find you, where can they find out more about you?
Carly: Yeah. So all of my social media is @makeupandsin. I’m there on Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter like that’s just the screen name that I love. My blog is DilDoorDilDont.Wordpress.com where I also write a lot about body positivity as well as like toys and fun things like that.
And if you are within New York City, I teach at the Pleasure Chest. My name is Carly again. So if you see Carly in New York, that’s me. I talk about like wands [0:07:52] [Phonetic] and blowjobs and all these fun things.
Dr. Liz Powell: Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
Carly: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
Dr. Liz Powell: All right.