What is the difference between BDSM and abuse? So the short answer is informed consent. When we break it down, abuse is about a pattern of control. Abuse is about a way of establishing control, creating isolation so that you can reinforce that control. Abuse can use a lot of different tools. Abuse can use […]
How do I work through feelings of ownership within polyamory? This is a really good question because I think it identifies something that a lot of people have trouble naming and that it makes it harder for them to work through, which is that a lot of the way that the mainstream dating script teaches […]
What tips do you have for someone going through a polyamorous breakup? I think that there is a common misconception that if you are polyamorous and you have multiple partners and you have a breakup with one of them, it’s not as big a deal as if you are monogamous because you still have people. […]
I’m seeing polyamory shown up a lot more in the mainstream media. How do you think the media portray as polyamory versus what is the reality? So I think it’s getting better than it used to but for a very long time, the portrayal of polyamory in media was upper-middle class to rich white folks […]
How do you handle holidays like Valentine’s Day while having multiple partners? So I think that there are a lot of different ways to handle a situation where there is a certain amount of either real or perceived scarcity, and a number of people who want access to whatever that resource is. So this could […]
How do you know if you are being tricked into bed with someone? This is an interesting question because I think as is typical for a therapist, I read a question and it brings up for me a whole bunch of other questions that I want to know information about in order to more adequately […]
What do you do when your libido doesn’t match your partner's? The biggest recommendation I will make here is that I think almost everybody should read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It is a book primarily about how sexual desire functions in women. But it also applies to people of all genders. What […]
So in one of my YouTube videos somebody asked, “Do you have any suggestions for questions to ask myself when I’m trying to examine my relationship patterns?” This is a really good question. I think that because it’s broad, it’s a little bit tougher to answer. But I think I would ask myself like when […]
2023 is just around the corner! Many of you are likely reflecting on the last year and creating resolutions, which is great, but please keep these things in mind: This is the turnover of a calendar year. There’s nothing magical about January 1st; we get to decide when we start and stop anything. You get […]
Among my circle of friends, I’m known as the one who’s VERY into Christmas love movies. I come by it honestly - my dad loves Hallmark Christmas movies and watches tons of them every year. I’ve been meaning for years to put together a guide to my favorite (and most hated) Christmas movies, and this […]
