How do YOU Define Polyamory?

Dec 6, 2018
Kenton from FunkitToys and I discuss ways to do nonmonogamy which aren't polyamory. 

Show Notes: 
You can find Kenton on social media & the web @FunkitToys. 
The Franklin Veaux map of nonmonogamy is here. 


Dr. Liz Powell: Welcome back to Poly 201. I’m Dr. Liz with Sex-Positive Psych.

Kenton: And I’m Kenton from Funkit Toys.

Dr. Liz Powell: So Kenton, what is your Poly 201 tip?

Kenton: For me, like polyamorous doesn’t quite work for how I do relationships. I have like – I run a business. It’s my primary partner. I want – like what I want over relationships is like an internet relationship where I can get a lot of that fulfillment and also to be able to have fun at conferences and have like little flames in play parties and stuff with people I meet there and like occasionally go to a play party or some like orgy event and have fun at those. But like I don’t – I don’t have time for multiple like very committed, emotionally in-depth relationships but I also like meeting people and figuring out how they get off and turning that into sex toys.

Dr. Liz Powell: Right.

Kenton: So like monogamies doesn’t work for me and like polyamory and the broad like loving many people also doesn’t fit. So like for me, figuring out like a non-monogamy thing was figuring out what it meant to me and what I wanted out of it because there are so many like images of this is what poly looks like and it’s a bunch of like white feet sticking out from under the bed.

Dr. Liz Powell: Thin, white, mostly had their own feet.

Kenton: Yeah, yeah, like …

Dr. Liz Powell: Super hot. It’s like one dude, two ladies.

Kenton: Yeah, one straight man and some bi-woman and yeah, it’s like so and they are like generally cisgender. And it’s like that’s not what it has to look like for you. Like if you look at this thing and you don’t see yourself in it like Poly Role Models has some great examples and stuff. Kevin is awesome and runs a wonderful blog. And like find out what you want out of it and express that to people and see if it works for them like you don’t have to be like this polycule or this hierarchy or this random spread of a whole bunch of intimately knit sort of a small community of people who all bang each other like you can do whatever you want with it as long as you figure out like how you relate to people or honest with yourself and like know what you’re doing. Just figure out how you want poly to be for you and then do that.

Dr. Liz Powell: That’s so awesome. In my book, Building Open Relationships, I have a worksheet that’s all about what do I want and need from this relationship.

Kenton: Oh, awesome. Yeah.

Dr. Liz Powell: That’s a really good clarifying tool for going through like in these different areas about what relationships might or might not entail, what am I open to, what am I not open to, what’s necessary for me, what is it an absolute no go so you can really clarify that for yourself and it makes those discussions a lot easier.

Kenton: You can fill that out for each individual relationship you have.

Dr. Liz Powell: You should fill it out for each individual.

Kenton: Scan that. Copy it.

Dr. Liz Powell: It’s going to be so different. You get all worksheets for free at

Kenton: Oh, cool.

Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah.

Kenton: Nice.

Dr. Liz Powell: So all of my worksheets are downloadable for free. You don’t even have to buy the book. I mean you should buy the book.

Kenton: You should definitely buy the book.

Dr. Liz Powell: It’s a great book. You should buy the book. They’re selling it here. I can send it for you.

Kenton: Oh, awesome. Yeah.

Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah.

Kenton: Where is it?

Dr. Liz Powell: At the bookseller over by the entrance to the other – to the hallway where you’re selling.

Kenton: Oh, cool. Yeah, I’ll wander down there on my way there.

Dr. Liz Powell: Awesome. Cool. Well, thank you so much for your Poly 201 tip.

Kenton: Yeah.

Dr. Liz Powell: And your Poly 201 tip is like you don’t have to be poly. Non-monogamy can look however you want it to.

Kenton: No. There is – what was that? Like really wild Venn diagram someone made of like all the various non-monogamies and it was …

Dr. Liz Powell: Oh, Franklin Veaux, yeah.

Kenton: It looked like a map of a city.

Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah, it’s bizarre. So Franklin Veaux has like a really fascinating map of all the different ways relationships can look. And I’ll find the link for that and put that on the show notes.

Kenton: You know what it reminds me of? It reminds of the map of that town in on – it’s like on the border of what was it? Belgium and the Netherlands that like because of a bunch of dukes would bet with parcels of land, it looks like the town was picked up and dropped. And like you can never tell where you are like what country you’re in when you’re standing in this town except for like some markings on the streets.

Dr. Liz Powell: Oh, white folks.

Kenton: No. It’s – and like the laws are different. It’s a real interesting place.

Dr. Liz Powell: Yeah, awesome. Well, thank you so much.

Kenton: Yeah.

Dr. Liz Powell: I’ll put links to your stuff at the bottom of this one as well. All right. Thanks. Check out the next Poly 201.

Kenton: Have fun.

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